I bought and received this Rose Geranium Essential Oil from Amazon. It’s made and sold by Gya Labs.
This product appeals to me mostly because I get a lot of nerve pain in my shoulders and back. WebMD suggested that this oil can be applied and used to help with nerve pain. The bottle also says it can help with anxiety. Seeing as nerve pain can lead to anxiety and anxiety can lead to nerve pain, it seemed like a good fit.
According to the product information on Amazon:
About the product Botanical Name: Pelargonium roseum Our Guarantee: If you are not TOTALLY satisified with our product, receive a FULL REFUND from us, no questions asked. Quality: 100% PURE & THERAPEUTIC – undiluted, no fillers, bases or additives. Distillation facility is GMP, ISO9001 & FDA registered. Benefits & Uses: TICK REPELLENT Rose Geranium masks your human scent! It can also be used to repel fleas for dogs. SCALP use with shampoo for a fragrant, fresh and radiant looking hair. BODY massage onto the abdomen area as a natural herbal treatment to promote wellbeing and comfort during times of menstrual cycle or menopause changes. Gya Labs is SUPERIOR as it only offers the finest grade of essential oils for blending and pairing: Bay Leaf, Bergamot, Cinnamon Cassia, Cedarwood, Cinnamon Bark, Citronella, Clary Sage, Clove Bud, Eucalyptus, Frankincense, Grapefruit, Lavandin, Lavender, Lemon, Lemongrass, Lime, May Chang, Mandarin, Melissa, Myrrh, Neroli, Patchouli, Peppermint, Petitgrain, Pine Needle, Roman Chamomile, Rose Geranium, Rose Otto, Rosemary, Rosewood, Sweet Orange, Tangerine, Tea Tree, Thyme, Ylang Ylang.
I can’t really speak for its other uses, but I can say that I applied the oil to my should last night and I slept like a baby. I’ll keep using it in the next week to keep you updated on its relaxing effects.
I have been away from my Year of Firsts updates for so long. Just because I haven’t been updating doesn’t mean that I broke my New Year’s Resolution. Recap for those of you who haven’t been here, I made a NYE Resolution to have one new experience a day for the entire of 2018. No matter how big or small the experience, it all still counts.
I’m going to jump right into it and hopefully catch you up to where I am now while explaining why I’ve been away.
As some of you may know, I was diagnosed with a sizeable yet benign myofibroma in the roof of my mouth. It was an active tumour and was growing. It was eating away at my bone and am told that I was close to developing a fistula, as it was growing into my nose. February 5th was my surgery date. I was so nervous. I’ve had surgery before, but nothing this extreme. Moments before the operation, I was in a room with medical staff running here and there. It was super busy and others were getting surgery and it’s hectic. So hectic that it contributed to my anxiety. My blood pressure was through the roof, so they opted to give me some Valium before the surgery to chill me out. It was weird. I felt that drug hit me within minutes, it was administered via IV so that’s not surprising. But still, I felt like a drunk person. It was so weird. I remember being wheeled into the operating room and there was an entire wall of shelves with what I imagine was supplies. After they put me on the bed, I don’t remember anything. I was out. Next thing I knew, the anaesthesia was wearing off and they were preparing to take me out of the operating room. They had these blood pressure sleeves on my calves and as they were taking them off, I told them, “No leave them on, It feels like a massage.” Everyone laughed. For next couple of hours, I felt in and out of consciousness, I guess. Strangely though, by the time it was for me to get home, I really felt good enough to drive myself home. I don’t know if it was the morphine or what, but I didn’t feel pain. I wasn’t dizzy. I just felt pretty normal. When I got home, I was normal. I was sitting around and talking as though nothing happened. The only thing that was really different was that I have a huge chunk of my head missing, mostly in the maxilla region and that meant I couldn’t eat.
Which brings me to the 6th. Sleeping was kind of tough and the pain was manageable at this point. But what was the most interesting as it was my first time being on a strictly liquid diet. Before surgery, I had prepped by buying a lot of meal replacement drinks, protein drinks, juices, Gatorade, Pedialyte, etc. They only foods I could have were yoghurt and ice cream. So I had tons of that around. I don’t want to jinx it, but I thought that I’d get really hungry not being able to eat, but I have to say these meal replacement drinks work. The weird thing was that my mouth was starting to miss the actual physical action of chewing.
Now, this First was not happy. This is the day where the pain and shock really set it. I don’t know if maybe the anaesthesia and morphine took a while to wear off and maybe the whole experience didn’t feel so real, so now is when it all became real. I can’t even explain to you the pain. Putting anything in my mouth, including water was so painful. So the 7th was the day that I got serious about keeping track of my meds to ensure I don’t miss a dose. But the sort of fun part of that was that I had ice cream all day. I’ve never done that before. A whole day of ice cream. So good!
The 8th was when the boredom really started to set in. I became really familiar with the app store and started downloading apps like crazy. Most of the apps I tried were pretty thumbs down. But it gave me something to do. It was the first time I tried a role-playing game. I didn’t really get too into it. The storyline I was given was bland, but I imagine there are better ones out there. I’m open to suggestions.
Because I’m still on the liquid diet lifestyle, I had someone make a trip to Arlee’s and pick me up some green juice. Up until now, most of my liquids have been on the sweeter side, so I needed something green to break up all that sugar. Good stuff. It burned a little, but what doesn’t burn my mouth at this point?
Our house has been kettleless, since the last relatively new kettle we bought, was forgotten on the lit stove and burnt to a crisp. So now we get to try and have tea from a ceramic kettle. I’ve never had a ceramic kettle before.
I was introduced to clove tea for the first time. I’ve had cloves in many other ways, in cooking and in my toothpaste, but never on its own as a tea. It was miraculous in my mouth. With a little honey, I drank the cup in no time. It had the power to numb my entire mouth. I felt no pain. It was beautiful!
Even though I’m supposed to be on a liquid diet, I started craving food. Not out of hunger, but out of the desire to chew something. I thought about it and decided maybe a frittata was a good way to eat something, but have it be soft enough. Let me tell you, it is tough to eat without the roof of your mouth. I have no hard palate, so the food falls into this grand canyon that exists in my mouth. And when that bite of food finally met the bottom of the canyon, man, it hurt. I figured it was worth a try though.
Since my tumour removal was in my hard palate and nose and that whole area in between, the tumour had also grown into my bones and around my teeth. That being said, after removing the tumour, the doctor warned me that my teeth were going to be super sensitive. Oh my God, was he right. I felt like my teeth were and still are pounding all the time. ALL THE TIME. That being said, brushing my teeth is super tough. Sometimes I have to put some Orajel on my teeth just so I could brush them. Even then, commercial toothpaste was way too harsh on my wounds. Because my surgery was done through my hard palate, there were no stitches because there was nothing to stitch it too, so my entire wound/incision was cauterized. That being, my entire mouth was burnt. Imagine putting your regular everyday toothpaste on a burn. You wouldn’t. So I did some research and found this natural toothpaste. It seems to clean my teeth well without irritating my wound.
Singles Awareness Day, one of my favourite days of the year. It’s the day I buy myself a gift and tell myself how incredibly amazing I am. LOL. Because I’m amazing, I thought I’d give another go at eating. Tried out these broccoli-cheese tots. Their gooey texture made it a bit easier for my mouth to handle. Everything still gets lost in there and I felt a bit icky eating the entire tray, but in the grand scheme of things, it wasn’t so bad.
I went to a follow-up appointment with my surgeon. He said things were looking good. Knock on wood. Thank God. Don’t jinx me, please. At this point, I was in way too much pain. I hadn’t been able to drink water for over 12 hours. I thought maybe I had pushed my mouth too far the day before by trying to eat because my mouth was so irritated. to my dismay, when I asked the doctor when things will start to feel better, he said they really won’t. And by that, he continued to say that it will take 3-6 months to fully heal, but in the meantime, it is going to hurt and it is going to be very painful. What really got me upset was when I asked why the pain was getting worse and not better, he told me that there will be no consistency. Some days will be good, other days will be bad. It’s not like any other type of surgery where with time things get better. It’s very possible things could get progressively worse. And that my friends is a serious bummer. In the meantime, he gave me this thing called Magic Mouthwash. You read correctly. Magic Mouthwash. Coincidentally, or maybe not coincidentally, my insurance doesn’t cover this mouthwash “because it’s a compound.” I don’t even know what that means or what that has to to with me. It costs $50, so I had to make some phone calls and ask for money for others, which I HATE to do. I’m unemployed and certainly didn’t plan on getting ill in this way. It’s absurd that insurance doesn’t cover it. Anyways, this Magic Mouthwash is supposed to be magic. It’s typically used for cancer patients that experience mouth sores due to radiation. It’s made up of Maalox, Benadryl, Lidocaine, antacid, antihistamine and anaesthetic. It really was like magic. I’d just swish it in my mouth and my entire mouth was numb. It was a miracle. The prescription says I can only use it four times a day, but I really wish I could use it every second of the day.
This day’s First was scary. Super scary. I was in bed after getting ready for bed. It must have been around 11 PM. I tasted something super salty in my mouth and had no idea what it was. I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. My mouth was full of dark blood. When I spit, I spit out nasty and huge blood clots. The clots I assume were responsible for my cauterised mouth. I rinsed my mouth with water and didn’t think much of it. The doctor said there would be blood, maybe this is what he meant. A couple of hours later, I felt that salty taste in my mouth again. I went to the bathroom and was bleeding from my mouth, much like a bloody nose, but from my mouth. Because of where the blood was coming from in my mouth, putting pressure on it with just my mouth wasn’t working. So I got an ice cold glass of water and kept the water in my mouth as long as I could and then would spit out. Put the water in my mouth again, spit out. Again and again and again until I got the blood to stop. I didn’t know what else to do or what I was supposed to do, so I went back to bed. A couple of hours later [again] I felt the salty taste in my mouth again. This time was different because, by the time I got to the bathroom, the blood was pouring out of me. I looked like a Carrie doomsday horror movie vampire fountain. Blood was shooting out of me as though I turned on a sink faucet on high. It was scary. I started to shake and felt so weak. I had some gauze and put it in my mouth, trying to put pressure on it with my tongue. In less than 10 minutes, I went through more than 10 pieces of gauze. The gauze wasn’t just soaked, it was swimming in a pool of blood. It was crazy. I went to the ER, it took more than a half hour to stop the blood. At the ER they applied some lidocaine and epinephrine to my mouth. Apparently, epinephrine acts as some sort of vascular restrictor? Or so the physician’s assistant told me. By the time I was discharged and got home, It was around 6 am. I got in bed and hoped that nothing like this will happen again. Positive vibes everyone. Positive vibes.
I don’t do this often and the few times I have asked for help, I’ve never gotten very far. But I need to try because I don’t know what else to do.
I suppose this is a long rant about what’s going on with me and my life these days. I try to keep it quiet and distract myself with pretty things, but sometimes I need to let it out. And maybe you can find it in your heart to get through this and help me in some way. Anyway.
There are too many things going on. Too many things. No one I know has money they can lend or just gift me. I have no money. My family of 3 lives off of $17k a year. I honestly don’t know how we make it.
Health insurance is denying my claims. I can’t pay my medical bills. I need a ct scan bc I have a tumour that may need chemotherapy (according to a resident at John Hopkins) and I can’t afford any of it. It may not need chemo or radiation. It could be nothing. It could be outright removed (even though we’ve removed it twice already) but I’ll never know until it’s too late, if I can’t get this ct scan.
I practically live on my asthma inhaler and I often wonder if I can even afford to “waste” another huff of it. My asthma isn’t bad enough to kill me or anything like that, just bad enough to torture me every day and send me to urgent care with the occasional asthma attack that requires being hooked up to a breathing machine.
I got put on prednisone. The side effects are weight gain, fatigue, foggy thoughts, pain, nausea and just about everything I don’t need right now, or ever.
My phone is dying a little more every day. I can’t make or receive phone calls or texts and data anything doesn’t work. I can only use it when I’m home and connected to wifi. It turns off randomly. Freezes. Even when at home, it can take forever for it to do anything. Battery life is an hour at rest if I’m lucky.
My mom’s car is busted. That was our only source of transportation and now that’s gone. We can’t afford to fix it. The closest bus stop is 5 miles away on the highway with no sidewalks. I can’t walk there bc I have nerve damage so severe that I’m on meds galore and still can’t walk longer than 15 minutes. And sometimes the pain is so bad that I can’t walk at all.
I have nothing in my name other than debt. What are these bill collectors going to take away from me? I don’t have wages to garnish. What do they want? I have nothing to give them. If I could dissect this tumour myself, I would maybe sell it to science or some weirdo on Craigslist. That could make some money, maybe.
Nothing is right or even close to it. Even if after 4 years of unemployment someone does want to hire me or even interview me, how would I get there? How do they call me? Even that doesn’t work out right.
I’m stuck and I need help getting unstuck. I’m so embarrassed to even be asking, but I really don’t know what else to do.
If you can find it in your heart to maybe throw a few bucks my way, I’d be so insanely and forever grateful. Maybe you can pass this along to a friend?
Let’s talk about panic disorders and anxiety. I, in no way claim to be an expert on the subject, so don’t take my word as gospel– not that I expect any of you would. But I have had my fair share of panic and anxiety attacks in the past. And they are the worst. Anyone who has ever had a panic attack will probably say the same.
The difficult part about it, is that often there is little logic behind a panic attack. Sometimes the triggers are seemingly tiny incidents and other times they are not so tiny. Regardless the panic, anxiety and difficulty of the situation are very real.
Recently, I witnessed a couple of people having panic attacks and it’s a whole other world being on the flip side of it. Because I know what it feels like to not be able to breathe, feel like the world is ending, screaming, crying, the inability to form sentences and describe how you’re really feeling, coupled with the inexplicable hardship of it all, I knew what not to do.
So, I knew not to yell at the person having the attack. I knew not to tell them to calm down. I knew not to hang up on them or slam a door on them. I knew not to shame them or guilt them. I knew not to laugh at them or call them names.
But the issue is, I didn’t know what TO DO. I know in the past, when I have had my anxiety attacks that very little made me feel better. I could tell you what made me feel worse, but I also couldn’t tell you what made me feel better. I feel as though there is very little comfort you can give someone experiencing a panic or anxiety attack, other than listening. And after listening to someone you care about in such pain, your instinct is to say everything will be alright, but the fact of the matter is, when you are under attack by your nerves and anxiety, it doesn’t feel like everything will be ok. And telling someone everything will be alright is belittling, patronizing and silly because you don’t know if everything will be alright. We have no way of knowing what to expect tomorrow.
My panic attacks were very embarrassing for me, which only made the panic worse. I knew to let it go as soon at the attack passed and let the person get on with their day.
I’ve learned to listen and let it pass, but I really do wish there was more I could do. I wish I could hug the person and take all the panic away.
This is the worst question to ask someone with ADHD. It is like a party in my head. So for an hour, I made a vague note of every weird thing I thought about and here it is:
Taking a shower
You see how exhausting it is to be in my brain? All of these topics, thoughts, questions and debates entered my mind in under an hour. Trying to get any one thing done about one singular topic is the most difficult thing for me.
I can’t even imagine what a list of things I think about all day would look like. Or long it would be.
Even while writing this post, I have already given thought to about 15 different subjects.
YOUR POOR HEAD POSTURE IS MAKING YOU LOOK 10 LBS HEAVIER AND 2 INCHES SHORTER THAN YOU ACTUALLY ARE
As the main connector between your upper torso and skull, the neck has the crucial task of cradling the body’s computer — the brain. Click Here!
When I personally discovered that I suffered from Forward Head Posture, I was shocked at the impact it had on my health. The number of symptoms I could directly trace back to poor posture was just as shocking.
When your head is pulled forward the additional pressure on your neck, shoulders and back rises dramatically causing serious tissue damage. In fact, every inch your head is thrust forward from its natural position adds another 10 lbs of stress on the neck, shoulders, back and spine.
Not only does Forward Head Posture give your back that ugly hunch and crouched-over look… it also causes much deeper, serious problems including:
Constant fatigue and lack of energy
Pain in your neck, shoulders or upper, lower and middle back
Permanent damage to your joints, muscles, ligaments, blood vessels & nerves
Headaches and migraines
Poor sleep or insomnia
Impaired athletic performance
Loss of height by 2 inches
Looking 10 lbs fatter than you actually are
Affects your hormonal health
Noisy mouth breathing, snoring & sleep apnea
Early degeneration of your spine
Pinched and trapped nerves
Decreased range of motion
Lack of confidence
Blood Flow to the Brain
Decreased lung capacity by up to 30%
Harmful affects to vision and hearing
Jaw pain and sinus issues
Dizziness, vertigo and balance issues
Burdens your digestive system
If you’ve suffered any of these without realizing the root problem was Forward Head Posture, you’re not alone.
Forward Head Posture or FHP affects nearly everybody, yet hardly anyone understands the serious long-term physical and mental damage it can cause.
And it’s the most important muscle in your neck that dictates just how strong and healthy our posture and well-being is.
In the summer of 2006 the Middle East was ravaged with war between politicians and factions in which innocent Palestinian and Lebanese civilians paid the deadliest price. The images of maimed children, dying youth and pain stricken eyes not only moved me, but it shook me. It quaked my soul and threw my body into a spiral of grief that I refused to allow to continue. A group of students who were as stubborn as I was to make a change came together to try and plan a benefit concert at NYU. The concert wasn’t the most successful, but I couldn’t accept failure. Failure wasn’t an option— I manifested my guilt in failing and used all my energy to organize a fundraiser of sorts through the help of Life for Relief and Development. I asked my local ISCJ to provide a room to collect donations. ISCJ made announcements to its congregation asking for non-perishable foods, new or like new clothes, first aid supplies, diapers, feminine products and other necessary needs refugees and the wounded could use to rebuild their everyday lives.I also advertised online and emailed local houses of worship from every religion. We received so many donations in the room we were storing them in that the piles were taller than any of us. I enlisted some 20 volunteers to organize, label and load the products onto a 18-wheeler flatbed tractor trailer container. We filled the entire container. The boxes that Life for Relief and Development weren’t enough. My family went out and bought more boxes out of pocket. We even had products that we couldn’t fit in the container because the container was at capacity. Those products we then chose to donate to local charity bodies suggested by the ISCJ.
So today I had a colonoscopy. Cute… I know right? Had an endoscopy in August. A gallbladder and liver scan in July. A HIDA scan in September and a stomach emptying test in August as well. So much pain and discomfort in my tummy. All due to stomach lesions, gastritis, and inflamed stomach and bowels. Oh and I’ve got gallbladder sludge. The reason for all this? No one knows. What’s the plan now? Well meds and diet changes (Plan A and B) haven’t helped. So I’m going to try and destress while I think of a Plan C.
This is me post-anaesthesia. I’m all sore, sleepy and queasy.