I’m embarrassed, but I need your help #please… I have a possible tumor and my insurance isn’t helping

I don’t do this often and the few times I have asked for help, I’ve never gotten very far. But I need to try because I don’t know what else to do.

I suppose this is a long rant about what’s going on with me and my life these days. I try to keep it quiet and distract myself with pretty things, but sometimes I need to let it out. And maybe you can find it in your heart to get through this and help me in some way. Anyway.

There are too many things going on. Too many things.  No one I know has money they can lend or just gift me. I have no money. My family of 3 lives off of $17k a year. I honestly don’t know how we make it.

Health insurance is denying my claims. I can’t pay my medical bills. I need a ct scan bc I have a tumour that may need chemotherapy (according to a resident at John Hopkins) and I can’t afford any of it. It may not need chemo or radiation. It could be nothing. It could be outright removed (even though we’ve removed it twice already) but I’ll never know until it’s too late, if I can’t get this ct scan.

I practically live on my asthma inhaler and I often wonder if I can even afford to “waste” another huff of it. My asthma isn’t bad enough to kill me or anything like that, just bad enough to torture me every day and send me to urgent care with the occasional asthma attack that requires being hooked up to a breathing machine.

I got put on prednisone. The side effects are weight gain, fatigue, foggy thoughts, pain, nausea and just about everything I don’t need right now, or ever.

My phone is dying a little more every day. I can’t make or receive phone calls or texts and data anything doesn’t work. I can only use it when I’m home and connected to wifi. It turns off randomly. Freezes. Even when at home, it can take forever for it to do anything. Battery life is an hour at rest if I’m lucky.

My mom’s car is busted. That was our only source of transportation and now that’s gone. We can’t afford to fix it. The closest bus stop is 5 miles away on the highway with no sidewalks. I can’t walk there bc I have nerve damage so severe that I’m on meds galore and still can’t walk longer than 15 minutes. And sometimes the pain is so bad that I can’t walk at all.

I have nothing in my name other than debt. What are these bill collectors going to take away from me? I don’t have wages to garnish. What do they want? I have nothing to give them. If I could dissect this tumour myself, I would maybe sell it to science or some weirdo on Craigslist. That could make some money, maybe.

Nothing is right or even close to it. Even if after 4 years of unemployment someone does want to hire me or even interview me, how would I get there? How do they call me? Even that doesn’t work out right.

I’m stuck and I need help getting unstuck. I’m so embarrassed to even be asking, but I really don’t know what else to do.

If you can find it in your heart to maybe throw a few bucks my way, I’d be so insanely and forever grateful. Maybe you can pass this along to a friend?

Thank you.

Peace and Pistachios,

Heba

xoxo

 

paypal.me/hebavsreason

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What a difference 10 years makes

A decade ago, I was a videographer/journalist. It’s so cringe to watch now. What a different time…

Taqasim- Simon Shaheen

Easy, Breezy, Beautiful

Conversion to Islam

 Don’t judge me. I’d like to think my skills have come a long way since then.
Peace and Pistachios,
Heba

Because apparently, you can’t have too many versions of a CV

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Writer

Heba Issa (1)

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Messing About with the Many #Canva #Resume #Template

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An entirely flawed system

So I just found out that NJ is cutting off my food stamps because I’m considered able-bodied. Food stamps has literally been the only thing feeding my family right now and the only way for me to continue getting food stamps is if I go to a 20 hour a week work program. I tried to go to the program and had to make an appointment for orientation months ago and they were so mean and dismissive of me. They wanted me to miss my doctor appointment to go to their orientation and I told them I couldn’t miss it. I was sick, I needed to see a doctor. So they wouldn’t schedule me for another day and that was that.

I can get out of the requirement if I’m caring for someone in my family, which I am, my mother who has been unwell. But why is she unwell, because without warning her health insurance was terminated because she was deemed to make too much money. My mom makes $800 a month from alimony payments. That’s it! How is that too much money? Because she doesn’t have health insurance, she can’t afford her meds and hence has not been the greatest lately. The only way to prove that I’m caring for my mother is if she gets evaluated by a doctor and deemed disabled. Again, something we cannot afford. And if she never had her insurance terminated to begin with, she’d have her meds and she wouldn’t need someone to look after her.  It’s a flawed system and I’m so embarrassed and sad and scared. I don’t know how to feed my family.

I’ve been trying to get a job for a year and a half now with no luck. I have a BA and two MAs. I’m clearly educated and should be capable of getting a job but no one wants to give me a chance despite my 10 years of experience. I really don’t know what to do. I really hate to ask, but I need help. I haven’t paid my credit cards off, we’re charging everything on credit and I’ve reached my credit limit. We’re not using the heat even though it’s so cold, bc we can’t afford to make the payment. I don’t have a cell phone line because we can’t afford it. How is my family going to eat? What am I supposed to do? Like we can’t even afford to pay rent this month. Literally, I have no idea what to do or how to keep us from being hungry and homeless. And I could kick myself for ending up in this situation.

I keep trying to crawl us out of this hole, but I keep failing.

This is so embarrassing, but I need help and I don’t know where to turn. I’m so embarrassed to ask and hate myself for getting to this point. If you could spare anything, even just $1, I would appreciate it so much. https://www.paypal.me/hebavsreason I swear, I’ll never forget your generosity and 100% promise to pay it forward. I’m just so scared and so unsure of how to make ends meet. I’m so embarrassed and I’m so sorry for asking. Maybe you could pass this around, reblog it. Any help would be so important and I’d be so thankful.

50 Bucket List Goals

What’s on your bucket list?

I have an ever long and ever changing/shifting bucket list. And it seems fitting to reassess my life goals in light of the new year. Here are just a few wants on my list. Some are simple, some are more challenging.

  1. Have my book published

    book
    http://cdn.toptenreviews.com/rev/site/cms/category_headers/121-h_main-w.png
  2. Write another book 

    download
    http://www.mycity-web.com/great-tips-for-writing-a-book/
  3. Get funding for a PhD

    phd1
    http://blog.accepted.com/2015/05/22/phd-funding-disparities/
  4. Get into a PhD program that is right for me

    phd061814s
    https://techknowtools.files.wordpress.com/2014/08/phd061814s.gif
  5. Learn to surf

    Lakshadweep-1680
    http://i.cdn-surfline.com/surfnews/images/2012/03_march/destination_lakshadweep/full/Lakshadweep-1680.jpg
  6. Get healthy

    healthy-habits
    http://promobiledj.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/healthy-habits.jpg
  7. Go to a dinosaur museum

    triceratops
    http://www.fossilmuseum.net/DinosaurFossils/triceratops/triceratops.jpg
  8. Be an extra in a movie or show

    images
    http://www.actt.edu.au/media/1138/actt_difference_desktop.jpg
  9. Learn to spearfish

    spearFishing
    http://watercraftjournal.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/spearFishing.jpg
  10. Own a home and piece of land where I can have lots and lots of animals like donkeys, horses, llamas, lambs, dogs, cows and more.

    images
    http://www.hallmark-farm-kennel.com/HallmarkFarmHouse.jpg
  11. Adopt and/or foster children tulsa-adoption-attorney
  12. Get a job that allows me to travel and pay off my student loans

    jobs-travelling-business-man-move
    http://globetrooper.com/notes/wp-content/uploads/jobs-travelling-business-man-move.jpg
  13. Get lasik

    Lasik-Procedure
    http://qualityicare.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/Lasik-Procedure.png
  14. Get laser hair removal

    http://zoggdermatology.com/images/laserhairremovalstages.jpg
    The laser emits an invisible light which penetrates the skin without damaging it. At the hair follicle, the laser light absorbed by the pigments is converted into heat. This heat will damage the follicle.
  15. Start a nonprofit

    foundations_a_sm1
    http://boardsthatexcel.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/foundations_a_sm1.gif
  16. Take horseback riding lessons

    Horse_riding_in_coca_cola_arena_-_melbourne_show_2005
    https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/f/fa/Horse_riding_in_coca_cola_arena_-_melbourne_show_2005.jpg
  17. Have friends

    friends-for-life
    http://www.newlovetimes.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/friends-for-life.gif
  18. Become more flexible

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    http://lh3.ggpht.com/-M1Of3Z1Vg_U/UHaxA469Y3I/AAAAAAAC6Bo/4isPqvUU9F4/extreme-flexibility-people-32_thumb.jpg?imgmax=800
  19. Fly first class

    Etihad_first_class_bed
    http://www.first-class-flight.com/images/first-class-insights/Etihad_first_class_bed.jpg
  20. Make someone’s wish come true d760991e995d83172de94452f2319e06
  21. Go cliff jumping Woman_cliffjumping_3307605b
  22. Hang out by a serene waterfall

    images
    http://7-themes.com/data_images/out/71/7014890-beautiful-waterfall-hd-pics.jpg
  23. Name a star dCVnPp3
  24. Have my own private plane and/or helicopter

    Private-Jet1
    http://site.privatejetdaily.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/Private-Jet1.jpg
  25. Be in the fashion industry

    fashion
    http://reallifeauckland.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/fashion.jpg
  26. Learn to dive

    Diving_into_pool
    http://www.basicspine.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/Diving_into_pool.jpg
  27. Go scuba diving

    Scubadiving.png
    http://d236bkdxj385sg.cloudfront.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/Scubadiving.png
  28. Befriend an elephant

    Twins
    Twins https://iso.500px.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/2048-5.jpg
  29. Have one of my plays produced

    william-chang-cheongsam-designs-for-theater-play-2
    http://www.elegantstory.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/william-chang-cheongsam-designs-for-theater-play-2.jpeg
  30. Have someone illustrate a comic book based off of one of my stories

    DARWYN-ORIGINAL-ART
    http://www.lightningoctopus.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/DARWYN-ORIGINAL-ART.jpg
  31. Have one of my stories turned into a film

    images (1)
    https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQKJE7O1FQg2zWYPmN-kzI3IB5bPY9T6TuqRyyNK2fAK5Y58ZtBcQ
  32. Learn to draw

    http://orig04.deviantart.net/587b/f/2012/247/2/d/hand_drawing_hand_by_kenpjones-d5dl8kw.jpg
    http://orig04.deviantart.net/587b/f/2012/247/2/d/hand_drawing_hand_by_kenpjones-d5dl8kw.jpg
  33. Live in a castle

    download
    http://dreamatico.com/data_images/castle/castle-2.jpg
  34. Learn to sew

    blogdotcraftzine
    http://www.noellemunozjewelry.com/storage/blogdotcraftzine.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1331086348393
  35. Go Ziplining zipline-adventure-in-whistler-photo_7325314-fit468x296
  36. Publish a cookbook

    cookbook
    https://mathemagicalsite.files.wordpress.com/2015/08/cookbook.gif
  37. Own a car

    2014_bmw_x5_angularfront
    http://static.usnews.rankingsandreviews.com/images/Auto/izmo/364333/2014_bmw_x5_angularfront.jpg
  38. Dance in the rain

    images
    http://www.sterlingsanders.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/Sterling_Sanders_-_Dance_in_the_Rain.png
  39. Hang glide

    hanggliding1
    http://www.lakearrowhead.com/img/hanggliding1.jpg
  40. Go to a haunted house

    Haunted-House-HD-Wallpapers
    http://hdwallpapersbin.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/Haunted-House-HD-Wallpapers.jpg
  41. Throw a themed party mall-birthday-party-1
  42. Go through a corn maze cornmaze2009
  43. Witness a miracle

    miracles-2
    https://fromthedeskofmardrag.files.wordpress.com/2014/05/miracles-2.jpg
  44. Take singing lessons

    how-to-sing-higher-notes1
    http://vocalartsstudios.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/how-to-sing-higher-notes1.jpg
  45. Take kickboxing lessons

    train
    http://www.myelitetraining.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/train.jpg
  46. Learn to knit

    shaun-knitting1-copy-1
    http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ryd7cNqmrOo/UBqBFijS2lI/AAAAAAAAAFE/e2jGlVXKl44/s1600/shaun-knitting1-copy-1.gif
  47. Learn to ride a bike

    bike-riding
    http://www.todayifoundout.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/bike-riding.jpg
  48. Go parachuting

    canstock6172634
    http://cdn.xl.thumbs.canstockphoto.com/canstock6172634.jpg
  49. Swim with dolphins

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    http://havebabywilltravel.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/Megan-Dolphin.jpg
  50. Meet Harry Styles, cut off some of his hair and sell it on ebay for millions so I can afford to fund my bucket list.  harry-styles-loud-shirt-coffee-los-angeles

 

https://www.paypal.me/hebavsreason

Wish List

 

There is nothing casual about civilian casualties

Are you a Daily Mail reader? I won’t lie, I usually read the Daily Mail for a laugh. Some of these stories they come up with… they’re just interesting and chuckle-worthy to say the least. I do, however, know that I should never read an article concerning a serious matter on the Daily Mail website. But alas, I torture myself every time and even worse, I always scroll down to the comments section to read the vile things people feel so confidently typing, but rarely say in person.

Some of the worst things I’ve read include:

Comments about how “Real” refugees shouldn’t have phones- Many refugees are fleeing war. That doesn’t mean they didn’t have possessions. Cell phones are no longer a first world standard. Get over it because I’m willing to bet that the vast majority of refugees don’t have these fancy contracts and money to spend speaking hours on the phone.

Comments about how “real” refugees shouldn’t be allowed to wear makeup- First of all, I saw the video this ignoramus was commenting on and the woman did not have makeup up. She was and is naturally gorgeous. Perfect contours, skin and thick eyebrows. She’s prettier than all of us put together. That comment was pure jealousy. Plus, considering everything these refugees have been through, so what if she gets to put on a tiny bit of makeup. She deserves to feel beautiful and like her normal self after the torment of fleeing her country and home.

Comments about how refugees are only in it for the benefits- You know what benefit they really want. The benefit of life!!! I can’t entertain that nonsense.

Comments about how Syrians should fight for their country- This is the silliest comment of all. Syrians have been fighting for their country for years. They’re not only fighting against ISIS, you know. They’re fighting against the Assad regime and the US and Russia and the whole list of countries that have been striking Syria. What weapons do these innocent civilians have that they can use against a whole world? The numbers don’t add up. The worst part is so many refugees are children. Do we really expect children to fight? Because if we allowed that the Daily Mail commenters would comment about how child soldiers are wrong.

Comments about how refugees desire to continue their education makes them economic migrants and not refugees- You realize that these people have had their entire lives come to a complete halt. They’ve literally been sitting around starving and waiting to die. A whole generation of young Syrians is growing up illiterate and unable to do basic math or know much about anything other than war. These refugees aren’t coming over just so they can take advantage of university education. No, if they could have stayed in Syria and continued their education they would have. But there are no teachers left in schools in Syria because there are no schools left. The schools that are left get used as shelters and makeshift community centers.

Comments about how “we” should bomb “them all”- That is an incitement of terror and makes you complicit in murder. Just putting that out there, you horrible human being. I have no problem with seeing ISIS and Assad terrorist thugs get blasted off this earth, however the legal thing to do would be to capture them and try them in a court of international law, in which they would be found guilty and live a long and tortuous life in maximum security prisons. But there is nothing casual about bombing an entire city, killing innocent civilians and calling them casualties.

Comments about how everyone in Raqaa is an ISIS terrorist and that if they weren’t they would have left- Yes, Raqaa is an ISIS headquarter. Yes, ISIS controls the city, but is everyone there a supporter of ISIS, no? But to openly oppose it would leave you dead or tortured. Why don’t people leave? They don’t have the money. Sure smugglers could get you out, but where would you go? The smugglers will take all your money, risk your life and leave you penniless on a raft in the Mediterranean or in the desert on the way to a desolate refugee camp or in some other destroyed part of Syria.

Comments judging refugees for being separated from their families- Seriously? Is this the Olympic category for most vile comment made? Because if it is, you win. People get separated from their families in all sorts of ways that most people would find inconceivable. But it happens all the time. Talk to anyone whose family has been through a war or some sort of catastrophe: I can guarantee you that a majority of people will tell you they have at least one family member that ended up alone or separated from the rest.

Comments about how refugees have “such nice tents”- This dude commented on how her tent was so nice that she couldn’t possibly be a “real” refugee and that she probably has all this money stashed away. How deep in the dirt is your head exactly? Much of this type of supplies has been provided by aid workers, charity organizations and normal human people with hearts that donated much needed goods, such as tents. Do you want to live on a tent on a street corner when it’s raining and cold? No, especially since winter is nearing. You’re just a horrible person for thinking this

Comments stating the run of the mill stereotypes- The long list of racial slurs, insults, and stereotypes that I won’t humor by listing. You know the type orientalist rubbish that is slanderous, libel, disgusting and horrible filth, but Facebook won’t take it down because they’re too worked up taking pictures down of women’s bodies.

 

My conclusions: Firstly, humans are awful. I don’t know how people can be awful. I doubt most of these hateful commenters could handle  day in the life of a refugee. If you really think “we don’t owe them anything,” then you clearly have no idea how complicit our governments are in making Syria, Iraq, Afghanistan and the rest of the world, the situation that they are in today.

Secondly, we haven’t learned from history one bit. These comments– ugh just look at some of the things people said during WWII about refugees. Please and compare those comments to now.

And lastly, I can’t be the only one who sees comparison in 9/11 and the invasion of Afghanistan and Iraq with the Paris Attacks and the subsequent bombing of Raqaa.

Civilians, particularly children are innocent and pay the highest toll in wartime situations. I’m not going to sit here and pretend like I know what the answers to terrorism, racism, discrimination and bigotry are. Offhand I would say education, but we all know the world isn’t that simple.

All I want is for people to think for 30 seconds before they type these horrible comments. I pray your ignorant minds become enlightened with knowledge, wisdom and empathy.