What I Learned From Criminal Minds #bingewatching #criminalminds

So I recently finished up my binge watching of Criminal Minds. Yup, that’s right. I have watched every single episode to date of 11 seasons. And here is what I learned from it all:

  1. Don’t be mean to people because they could be a serial killer.
  2. Don’t think in the box. Always think outside the box
  3. Don’t get into a box willingly
  4. Don’t google anything you don’t want Penelope Garcia to see.
  5. There is no such thing as secrecy.
  6. Don’t go anywhere near a gun shop
  7. Don’t go on vacation alone
  8. Don’t go on vacation with your family
  9. Don’t get involved with the mob, mafia or any other organized crime
  10. Don’t join a cult
  11. Don’t go skydiving
  12. Don’t hide from CCTV
  13. Don’t take LSD
  14. Don’t leave your drinks unattended
  15. Don’t take a taxi
  16. Don’t breathe in toxic or poisoned air
  17. Don’t join a killing pack
  18. Don’t get in strange cars
  19. Don’t trust anyone
  20. Don’t get married
  21. Don’t read fairy tales to your kids
  22. Don’t hire a hitman
  23. Don’t use public transportation
  24. Don’t reject anyone
  25. Don’t be a street artist
  26. Don’t join an experimental community
  27. Don’t use a ride-share service
  28. Don’t get kidnapped
  29. Don’t end a relationship
  30. Don’t leave your children unattended
  31. Don’t go to war
  32. Don’t get PTSD
  33. Don’t make personal connections
  34. Don’t get shot
  35. Don’t seek revenge
  36. Don’t auction children off
  37. Don’t avoid dealing with personal issues
  38. Don’t make decisions that will mess up your career
  39. Don’t answer your cell phone
  40. Don’t avoid answering your cell phone
  41. Don’t go to pep rallies
  42. Don’t make abrupt departures
  43. Don’t read science fiction
  44. Don’t be a prostitute
  45. Don’t get involved in politics
  46. Don’t piss off your supervisor
  47. Don’t question things
  48. Don’t discount multiple personality disorders
  49. Don’t prank Morgan or Reid
  50. Don’t question Reid’s knowledge
  51. Don’t torture people
  52. Don’t drug people
  53. Don’t kill people
  54. Don’t have a troubled childhood
  55. Don’t struggle
  56. Don’t become addicted to drugs
  57. Don’t become an alcoholic
  58. Don’t become homeless
  59. Don’t rape people
  60. Don’t be a radical environmentalist
  61. Don’t go hunting
  62. Don’t go to parties
  63. Don’t go camping
  64. Don’t go into the mountains
  65. Don’t go into the woods
  66. Don’t use religion as an excuse
  67. Don’t go to a small college
  68. Don’t go to a big college
  69. Don’t walk alone at night
  70. Don’t walk alone in the day
  71. Don’t go to public places
  72. Don’t be a vigilante
  73. Don’t dream
  74. Don’t join a gang
  75. Don’t commit crimes
  76. Don’t witness a crime
  77. Don’t impede a federal investigation
  78. Don’t boost your public image
  79. Don’t post everything on social media
  80. Don’t be vain
  81. Don’t empathise with suspects
  82. Don’t travel as a couple
  83. Don’t stay in a cabin
  84. Don’t live in the middle of nowhere
  85. Don’t own guns
  86. Don’t antagonize others
  87. Don’t be a police officer
  88. Don’t be an FBI Agent
  89. Don’t be blonde
  90. Don’t get into car accidents
  91. Don’t get in the way of road rage
  92. Don’t belittle others
  93. Don’t kidnap people
  94. Don’t hire a psychic
  95. Don’t be an over enthusiastic criminology student
  96. Don’t investigate crimes on your own
  97. Don’t talk to high class call-girls
  98. Don’t set fire to others
  99. Don’t go on spring break
  100. Don’t confront others
  101. Don’t be a woman
  102. Don’t come in contact with anthrax
  103. Don’t feed people to pigs
  104. Don’t perform medical experiments
  105. Don’t have a breakdown
  106. Don’t go to a pharmacy
  107. Don’t go to a bank
  108. Don’t trust a judge
  109. Don’t impregnate women unwillingly
  110. Don’t sell babies
  111. Don’t have an alter ego
  112. Don’t be a psycho
  113. Don’t be a soul sucking journalist
  114. Don’t have your home invaded
  115. Don’t escape custody
  116. Don’t go on a killing spree
  117. Don’t yell at others
  118. Don’t play an online choking game
  119. Don’t be a trigger
  120. Don’t spiral out of control
  121. Don’t be a con artist
  122. Don’t sell drugs
  123. Don’t be part of a pyramid scheme
  124. Don’t be a pillar in the community
  125. Don’t be a trucker
  126. Don’t have daddy issues
  127. Don’t have mommy issues
  128. Don’t illegally cross the border
  129. Don’t legally cross the border
  130. Don’t post videos online
  131. Don’t talk to anyone online
  132. Don’t meet people online
  133. Don’t stick around during a heatwave
  134. Don’t be taken hostage
  135. Don’t be racist
  136. Don’t be sexist
  137. Don’t be an accomplice
  138. Don’t mysteriously vanish
  139. Don’t make deals with others
  140. Don’t go out on Halloween
  141. Don’t tell anyone anything about you or your life
  142. Don’t order takeout delivery from the same restaurant repeatedly
  143. Don’t let anyone into your house
  144. Don’t have headaches
  145. Don’t ignore doctor’s orders
  146. Don’t be unusual
  147. Don’t hire a self-motivational coach
  148. Don’t act suspicious
  149. Don’t target victims
  150. Don’t fake your own death
  151. Don’t die
  152. Don’t have a secret life
  153. Don’t become injured
  154. Don’t trust anyone, ever
  155. Don’t let human traffickers know you are a cop
  156. Don’t trust human traffickers
  157. Don’t bully others
  158. Don’t take credit for someone else’s work
  159. Don’t get a brain injury
  160. Don’t go to a lake
  161. Don’t send your kids to a military academy
  162. Don’t join the boxing scene
  163. Don’t join an underground fighting ring
  164. Don’t imitate the Zodiac killer
  165. Don’t romanticize killers
  166. Don’t snub old friends
  167. Don’t play the piano
  168. Don’t gamble
  169. Don’t be superstitious
  170. Don’t be too friendly
  171. Don’t fail
  172. Don’t wander the desert
  173. Don’t sleep
  174. Don’t stop at rest stops
  175. Don’t worship the devil
  176. Don’t purchase real estate
  177. Don’t be a real estate agent
  178. Don’t lie
  179. Don’t test others
  180. Don’t have a phone
  181. Don’t kill animals
  182. Don’t be a student
  183. Don’t meet face-to-face
  184. Don’t replicate crimes
  185. Don’t have an identity crisis
  186. Don’t fall in love
  187. Don’t be a pedophile
  188. Don’t be a nanny
  189. Don’t overdose on E
  190. Don’t go for a run
  191. Don’t do step aerobics in your house
  192. Don’t take away your kid’s dolls
  193. Don’t be an awful parent
  194. Don’t emulate movies
  195. Don’t become estranged from others
  196. Don’t get too close to others
  197. Don’t be violent
  198. Don’t believe in segregation
  199. Don’t be a bigot
  200. Don’t be a homophobe
  201. Don’t retire
  202. Don’t work
  203. Don’t become unemployed
  204. Don’t go on secret missions
  205. Don’t go to therapy
  206. Don’t avoid going to therapy
  207. Don’t hire a babysitter
  208. Don’t be a babysitter
  209. Don’t engage in family feuds
  210. Don’t obsess over Greek mythology
  211. Don’t get shot
  212. Don’t engage in crossfire
  213. Don’t steal
  214. Don’t suffer a family tragedy
  215. Don’t be delusional
  216. Don’t suffer from an obsessive skin disorder
  217. Don’t suppress feelings
  218. Don’t be a highly-regarded attorney
  219. Don’t have uncontrollable urges
  220. Don’t be a loner
  221. Don’t be anti-social
  222. Don’t be charismatic
  223. Don’t be confident
  224. Don’t be insecure
  225. Don’t commemorate anniversaries
  226. Don’t ignore anniversaries
  227. Don’t build a bomb
  228. Don’t abuse others
  229. Don’t talk to inmates
  230. Don’t ignore inmates
  231. Don’t make political enemies
  232. Don’t respond to others
  233. Don’t avoid responding to others
  234. Don’t uncover secrets
  235. Don’t control people’s minds
  236. Don’t believe in monsters
  237. Don’t be a teenager
  238. Don’t be a kid
  239. Don’t be an adult
  240. Don’t be in the wrong place at the right time
  241. Don’t leave the house
  242. Don’t stay at home
  243. Don’t think about anything
  244. Don’t even think about thinking about anything
  245. Just don’t

Really… Don’t! Everyone, everywhere is a serial killer, mass murderer, rapist or pedophile.

That’s what I learned.

 

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